Toddler Terror
by Astra H. Lowelle
Summary: An extra-credit class goes terribly awry.
1. The Accident

"Settle down," Snape said irritably. "If I must conduct this farce of a class, I will do so the way I wish to. _Silence!"_

The meagerly filled classroom went quiet. Snape glared at the six students.

"I will award credit only to those who complete the work properly, without displaying any of the ineptitude most of you invariably do in my normal classes. The ingredients and method to the Inhalant of Youth are on the blackboard. Begin."

"I still can't believe Snape agreed to give the extra-credit class," Ron whispered to Harry as they started cutting up the octopus tentacles. Harry grinned at him. "I just don't want to fail Potions."

Hermione shushed them quickly, but not quickly enough.

"Professor," Malfoy drawled from the other side of the classroom. "Potter and Weasley are disturbing me."

"Git," Ron hissed at him as Crabbe and Goyle sniggered. Snape overheard him. With a wave of his wand, he emptied Ron's cauldron.

"Begin again, Weasley. _Silently_."

Ron began again, fuming. Hermione raised her hand.

"Professor, I-"

Snape whirled around so fast that his robe edged the flames beneath Harry's cauldron. He whipped his wand out and extinguished them, but not before clipping the cauldron with his elbow and sending the contents into the fire.

An explosion of colored smoke blasted through the classroom. Hermione clamped both hands over her face. The smoke slowly dissipated, but not before a high, thin giggle sounded throughout the room.

Hermione uncovered her face and looked around. A black-haired, green-eyed toddler with oversized glasses that were slipping down his nose looked bemusedly back at her, sitting in the seat that Harry had occupied a moment ago.

Behind her, Snape gave a below of annoyance as another toddler, this one with flaming red hair and freckles, grabbed a handful of his sleeve and stuffed it, slobbering all the while, into his mouth.

From across the room, a toddler that looked a lot like Goyle began sucking in his fist, while a small blond one began curiously inspecting the long thin piece of wood lying beside the big black pot. He touched it, and several sparks flew out of one end. On his other side, another one began happily playing with the octopus tentacle chunks.

Behind her, Hermione heard Snape inhale in dismay.


	2. Experience Preferred

Ron climbed up onto a stack of cauldrons, sending the last two flying across the room with a horrible clashing, clanging clatter, and began to poke around the glass jars in search of something to eat. Startled by the noise, Harry began to scream.

Snape sighed heavily, then lifted Ron by the back of his robes and hauled him off the shelf. "Sit down," he growled, dumping the toddler onto a chair. He pointed his wand at Harry. _"Silencio."_

Ron began to howl. Malfoy crawled over to Harry and yanked a handful of his hair. Harry yelped. Crabbe and Goyle giggled. Harry shoved Malfoy hard in the chest, upon which Malfoy toppled over and began producing a noise that would send dogs into hiding.

"Professor," Hermione offered loudly. "Maybe I could help? I babysat a lot when I was younger."

Snape sighed heavily again. "Yes, Miss Granger."

Hermione picked up the howling Ron, placed him on the floor, and gave him some bottle corks to play with. She pulled an extremely noisy Harry, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle apart from what was apparently a fight to the death. Harry pouted, Crabbe stuck out his tongue, Goyle shoved his fingers into his mouth and began slurping noisily, and Malfoy continued shrieking at the top of his voice. She sat down on the floor, pulled him onto her lap, and rocked him gently until he quieted down.

Harry plopped himself down beside her. "Hold Hawwy too?"

Hermione smiled at Harry's large, beseeching green eyes. "Just a moment, Harry."

She shifted Malfoy over carefully, then noted with some measure of irony that he had fallen asleep in her arms. Harry clambered up onto her lap.

Snape watched in badly disguised awe.

"I have a lot of babysitting experience from when I was younger," Hermione explained, somewhat sheepishly. "All the neighbors asked me to babysit for them."

"Ah- very well," the Potions master replied, much wrong-footed. "I've begun preparing the antidote. See to it that they stay out of trouble while I go and get the last ingredients."

Harry began chewing on his small fingers. Snape left the room.

He returned, however, a few moments later with a very tart look on his face.

"The antidote requires dawnweed, which my stocks are conspicuously lacking in. The Hogwarts greenhouses grow dawnweed, but it can be picked only at the first light of dawn, or it is entirely useless."

He shook Ron off the bottom of his robes. "We will have to look after these- these- _children_ for the night."

...

 _A/N: Greetings, my readers. I am very much glad you are enjoying this fic. Snape, if you are reading this, I beg your apologies for what I intend to do to you next._

 _(Evil grin.)_

 _However, I feel it would be proper to inform the general population that I do not believe I will be appearing on this site for approximately two weeks. Thus, the next installment of this story will have to wait to be presented to your eager eyes._

 _I leave you now to wonder what our toddler-ized valiant heroes will be spitting up on and/or chewing next, and what our other, non-toddler-ized valiant heroes will do to make sure no one finds out about the toddler-izing incident._

 _Suspense, anticipation, tension... ah._


	3. Bedtime- Or Not

Hermione's shock at this pronouncement lasted only a few moments before her take-charge instinct took charge.

"Right then, so we've all eaten dinner already, so they shouldn't be hungry. They'll probably get tired in a bit, though, so I can probably Transfigure some blankets and pillows and move the desks against the wall and get them all bedded down for the night and-"

" _Miss Granger."_

Snape's voice was cold.

"Perhaps you could include in your grand plans a way to get these children off of me. I am not a play park, nor have I a wish to be treated as one."

"Oh!" Hermione blushed. "I'm sorry, Professor. Ron, come here-" still holding a sleeping Malfoy in the crook of her arm, she scooped Ron up from where he was chewing the hem of Snape's robes. "Come and play with Harry. Look, see, he's got some bottle corks and jars to play with."

She Transfigured a desk into a small pile of blankets, then set Malfoy down onto it and tucked him in, turning quickly to break up a dispute between Crabbe and Goyle, both of whom wanted to play in the same unextinguished fire.

Harry yawned loudly. Hermione picked him up. "Are you tired, Harry?"

Harry obliged with another yawn, louder than the first. Hermione laughed softly, pushing Harry's hair out of his eyes. "All right, then, it's to go to bed. Just a moment, I'll-"

She was instantly deluged with sound. Harry, evidently, did not _want_ to go to bed, and he was making the fact known at the top of his lungs. Ron, who had heard of the dreadful fate, added his voice to the cacophony. This roused Malfoy, who was not pleased about being woken in such a rude fashion. Crabbe and Goyle didn't really have much to yell about, but as everyone else was yelling, it seemed to be the right thing to do.

" _SILENCE!"_ Snape roared. The toddlers were unconvinced. Scared by the noise, Harry screamed louder, which in turn prompted the others to do the same.

Snape swept from the room, leaving a rather desperate Hermione and five howling children in his wake.

…

He returned a few minutes later with a small bottle full of thick amber liquid.

"Give him to me," he ordered Hermione, who was still trying to soothe a sobbing Harry. Taken by surprise, Hermione handed over the toddler. Snape uncorked the vial, forced Harry's lower jaw down, and poured a few drops into his mouth. Harry swallowed reflexively, a look of astonishment on his small face. The look lasted only an instant, though- the moment the potion was down his throat, he gave a great sigh and went limp in the Potions Master's arms.

" _Professor!"_ Hermione was aghast. "What was _that?_ "

"A potion for dreamless sleep," Snape replied grimly. "It should keep him completely asleep for exactly eight hours. By that time, the dawnweed will be ready and I will finish the antidote."

Still a little disconcerted, Hermione took the now-sleeping toddler from Snape, who made his way around the room, Transfiguring desks into nests of blankets. Ron, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle went somewhat quiet, watching curiously.

"Put them to sleep," Snape said calmly, as if he was telling Hermione to add salt to soup. He held out the bottle to her. "Four drops to each of them."

"But Professor-"

" _Now,_ Miss Granger, before they begin caterwauling again."

Hermione tried again. "Professor, I just don't think- what if they-"

"Would you like me to do the honors, Miss Granger? I daresay you've had more experience putting children to bed than I have. I shouldn't like to... ah... make a mistake."

Hermione took the bottle resolutely.


	4. All in a Potion's Work

After tucking Harry into one of the piles of blankets, Hermione picked Ron up and tickled him under his chin. Ron giggled, and as his mouth was opening, Hermione carefully poured four drops into his mouth.

"I go sleepy now," Ron said drowsily, before his eyes closed.

Hermione smiled, resisting the urge to hug the little boy. She laid him down in the blanket pile next to Harry's, tucked the covers around him, and moved on to address the Slytherins.

"I don' wannit," Goyle informed her when she tried to give him some of the sleeping potion. "I don' _wannit._ "

"Well, I want you to take it anyway." Hermione had a sudden flash of inspiration. "Do you want a treat first?"

Goyle nodded animatedly. "Treat!"

Hermione smiled and dug a Chocolate Frog out of her pocket. She'd meant to give it to Ron later, but this was more important. Goyle munched contentedly, his fingers becoming increasingly stickier as he finished the chocolate. He took the potion with no trouble, his sticky little hand falling limply onto the pile of blankets.

"Three down," Hermione sighed. "Two to go."

Malfoy was still sleepy from his short nap, so Hermione decided to deal with him next. She tucked him down beside Goyle, brushed the hair off of his forehead where it was falling over into his droopy eyes, and lifted his small head. "Open up," she said softly.

"'M tired," was his drowsy reply. "Time for bed?"

"Time for bed," Hermione acknowledged, hiding a smile. Malfoy drank the potion without much hassle, wrinkling his little nose as he did so.

"I don' like it," he informed Hermione dozily just before he went flaccid.

Crabbe, though, put up a bit of a fight. After seeing what had happened to his companions, he frankly was not interested in drinking the stuff the girl was trying to give him. He thrashed, resisting Hermione's efforts to make him stay still. He pushed valiantly at her hand. His strength was surprising.

"All right," Hermione sighed. She felt guilty about doing it, but there wasn't much of a choice. She let Crabbe squirm free, pulled out her wand, and aimed it carefully at the small boy now crawling determinately away from her.

" _Petrificus Totalus."_

Crabbe froze instantly, teetering a moment and then toppling over onto his side. Hermione winced as his head hit the floor.

"I'm sorry," she told him uncomfortably as she lifted him onto her lap. "You'll feel better in a bit."

She pried his mouth open, poured in some potion, and did the countercharm. Crabbe's throat bobbed in a reflexive swallow. He opened his mouth again to scream, but the next second, his body relaxed onto Hermione's lap and he began to snore softly.

"That was exhausting." Hermione sighed as she laid the last toddler down into the blankets beside his friends, wondering what she was going to do now. "Well, it's done."

"I am enthralled to hear it," came a cold voice from the doorway. Hermione whirled around to see Snape standing there, a glass vial full of silvery-white leaves and stalks in his hands. "I went up to Madame Pomfrey, who had a store of dawnweed in her medical equipment."

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "So you can finish the antidote?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Miss Granger, do you truly think that, if I were to finish the antidote, I could administer it? Believe me when I say that the potion you dispensed and the one I am currently brewing would do far more damage than benefit if one is taken before the other abates."


	5. Bedtime at Last

"So we have to stay with them all night?" Hermione said disbelievingly. Snape's lips tightened.

"Did you hear me say that, Miss Granger?"

"No, Professor, but-"

"You did not hear me say it because I did not do so. We will bring them up to the hospital wing, where they will stay until the sleeping potion has worn off, upon which Madame Pomfrey will restore them to their adolescent selves."

"Oh," Hermione acknowledged.

With a sweep of his wand, all five bundles of blankets rose into the air and hovered, bobbing slightly, in midair. Hermione could see Ron sucking on one fist, his eyes shut tight.

"I'll go explain to Madame Pomfrey," she offered. Snape nodded his dismissal.

Hermione raced up the steps, emerged into the main school, and continued her assent up through the castle to the hospital wing. She reached the door and threw it open.

Snape was standing there.

"It would seem that my knowledge of the school's passageways are superior to yours, Miss Granger," he remarked with a thin smile. "Madame Pomfrey has retired for the evening."

Hermione tried to regain her breath. "All... all right. So I... I should put them into beds, and make sure they're not in danger of falling out, or maybe I should just put them on the floor-"

"Miss Granger."

Hermione stopped talking.

"Perhaps you could carry out your grand schemes instead of submitting me to the monologue. "

"Right," Hermione nodded. Snape's wand dipped, and all five blanket-wrapped children floated gracefully to the floor. The Potions Master turned with a swish of black, placed the bottle of antidote on a table, and strode out of the hospital wing.

"I am _exhausted_ ," Hermione told a sleeping Ron as she picked him up and put him on a bed. She tucked the blankets securely around him so he wouldn't fall, stifling a yawn as she did so. "Some extra-credit class this is."

Ron said nothing, understandably. Hermione smiled at how peaceful he looked, lying there with his fist stuck firmly in his mouth, without a care in the world.

"You little ones have it easy," she yawned. "I suppose I'd better get the others into bed before I fall asleep on my feet..."

Yawning all the while, she carried the other four toddlers to empty beds. Subconsciously, Harry clung to her as she tried to put him down, and it was a while before she could shake him off.

"I think I'm just going to spend the night here," she sighed at last. Goyle rolled over in his sleep, a rather startling amount of pillow wedged in his mouth. Hermione moved quickly over to unstick the little boy before he choked.

"I'm just going to lie down for a minute," she decided. The room at large ignored her. "Try to stay out of trouble for a bit, all right?"

Hermione flopped down on the bed closest to the window, where she had a vantage point of all of her charges. She shut her eyes for a second, enjoying the quiet.

The next moment, she was asleep.


	6. All But One

"Granger?"

Hermione's eyes opened slowly. For a moment, she didn't have the faintest idea where she was or what was going on. And had someone called her name?

"Granger?"

She sat up in bed. Through the window of the hospital wing, the soft white sliver of moon sat stolidly in the velvet black sky. The room was still very dark, and she could hear snoring and-

" _Granger?"_

Hermione turned. "Who's calling me?" she whispered loudly, conscious that people were sleeping around her.

"It's me," the voice came again. It was low and nervous and sounded rather as if its owner was somewhat queasy. "What's going on?"

Hermione stared into the darkness. _"Malfoy?"_

"Yeah." Hermione could hear a definite note of discomfort now. "It's me. What's going on?"

Hermione sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Wha- why aren't you still little? Why aren't you asleep?"

"I don't know," Malfoy whispered back. "I can't remember anything. It's all hazy and I feel like I'm going to be sick. Why should I be asleep?"

"You don't remember anything?"

"What do I have to remember? We were in class and something exploded and I wake up here! Is this the hospital wing?"

"Yes," Hermione called back softly. "Lower your voice. I think the others are sleeping."

"But _why?_ What happened? And why do I think like I'm going to be sick?"

" _Lower your voice!"_ Hermione insisted as quietly as she could. "Hold on a moment. Where are you?"

"Two beds down from yours." His voice was getting shakier.

Hermione scooted off her blanket and felt her way toward the other bed. Her eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness by now to see Malfoy's indistinct outline, and she climbed somewhat uncomfortably onto the foot of the bed and started explaining.

"...so Professor Snape brought you all up here, and I fell asleep," Hermione concluded finally. "He didn't want to give you the antidote yet, because he said it wouldn't be good."

"Mixing potions isn't good," Malfoy whispered. "It usually has aftereffects. I think the toddler thing wore off quicker for me because I tried to cover my face when the potion exploded, and the others are still asleep because sleeping potions don't work on me that well."

He wrapped his arms around his knees. "I really don't feel good."

Hermione wasn't entirely sure what to do. The first faint streaks of light were starting to touch the sky, and there was some stirring from the other occupants.

"Well," she said finally, "the other's be awake soon."

"As babies?"

"Yes."

There was a somewhat awkward silence. In the steadily growing light, Hermione could see her companion's face growing steadily whiter.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep for a bit," she suggested awkwardly.

Malfoy nodded, hugging himself more tightly. He rolled over and curled up into a ball tugging the covers over his head.

Eyes drooping, Hermione went back to the window and gazed sleepily out at the dawn, hearing faint stirring sounds behind her as the little ones began to wake up.


	7. Next Time

"Are you _sure_ that's what happened?" Ron asked, several hours later, for the sixth time.

Hermione sighed. "Yes, Ron. That was what happened."

Ron groaned. From the bed beside him, Harry tried to stifle a laugh. "He really ate Snape's robe, Hermione?"

"You were just as bad, if not worse," Hermione informed him. Ron shifted restlessly.

"We're not babies anymore. I don't see why we have to stay in the hospital wing."

"Madame Pomfrey wants to keep an eye on you," Hermione explained. "She's afraid you'll get sick from the potion overdose."

"It wasn't an overdose," Harry said, annoyed. "Snape gave us the antidote _after_ the sleep stuff wore off. Malfoy's the only one who got sick."

"Git," Ron said vaguely.

"Ron," Hermione said sharply. "It's not his fault."

"Yeah, yeah, all right," Ron conceded. "But it was pretty funny when Snape came up here a couple of hours ago with the antidote and he tried giving Malfoy some."

"That was disgusting," Harry added feelingly. Hermione threw him a look.

"You should be resting," she told them. "I know you might not need it-" as Ron opened his mouth in indignation- "but I don't want Madame Pomfrey throwing me out."

"All right," Harry sighed. "I think that was one of the best extra-credit classes I ever took."

"I dunno," Ron yawned. "Maybe next time we can skip the baby thing."

"Not exactly," Hermione laughed. "Trust me when I say there won't _be_ a next time."


End file.
